I wrote this a couple of years ago. Interesting to look back on now that I’ve finished my first original graphic novel script and am kicking around ideas for a second…
I Hate Kryptonite
I am a Superman fan. If you know me, this is no big secret. I love Superman for all of his ever-changing value as the greatest hero of modern mythology. And through Superman, I’ve grown to love almost all sequential storytelling about gods and monsters in capes and tights. For me, they are some of the most important stories we have as a society.
Which is precisely why I yearn so badly to create them myself.
But I don’t write them, and I hate that I don’t write them. My google docs list currently has no less than four original comic scripts that haven’t been written past the first four pages, all similarly unfinished. And let’s be honest, they’re all basically unstarted. I’ve certainly spent enough time thinking about the types of stories that I’d like to tell. It’s not for lack of ideas that I don’t write comics.
Instead, it’s a tiny lump of self-doubt, a green rock of Kryptonite in the pit of my stomach, that keeps me away from the keyboard. It’s a small, mysterious, toxic lump from my past that tells me, “You cannot do this thing. It is too great.” Somehow or another, the more I try to flex my writing muscles, the more I try to do anything extraordinary, that little rock in my stomach is there to tell me that I cannot outrun speeding bullets, I am weak in the face of a steaming locomotive, and that, try as I might, I will never leap tall buildings. Not as a writer.
I hate that I have let my self-doubt utterly consume me. I hate, to the core of my being, that I have allowed myself to perpetually hide behind a suit and glasses, forever on the sidelines of great storytelling but never truly involved in it. I hate that I want to do this thing so badly, but can’t even will myself to take the first small steps towards doing it. I hate standing at the ready, cape tucked into my collar, looking up at an infinite universe of possibility, and knowing that this little green rock of self-doubt has so much power to keep my boots on the ground.